We can learn a lot about children by watching their behavior patterns and understanding their personal preferences. For example, maybe you’ve noticed that your child is outgoing and enjoys socializing in groups, giving public speeches and performances, and sharing their feelings and ideas. On the other hand, maybe you’ve noticed that your child prefers to socialize with one friend at a time and speaks very softly and nervously when speaking in front of a large group. If you have noticed any of these behaviors, it’s likely that your child is shy.
It’s important to understand the cause of shyness to help scholars grow and succeed. Shyness is often a combination of emotions including fear, apprehension, tension, embarrassment, and other similar feelings. Some shy children demonstrate all of these emotions, while others may only show a few of them. However, shy children should not be confused with introverted children. Shyness in children can derive from a lack of self-confidence and strong feelings of self-consciousness, which can be difficult to overcome.
Throughout February, we’re recognizing our core value of communication and sharing why it’s such an important life skill. Both outgoing and shy children are challenged with the task of effectively communicating with others. Outgoing children are usually comfortable talking and sharing their ideas, and they often volunteer to stand in the spotlight. Shy children, however, may often find communicating with others a more challenging, intimidating, and overwhelming experience. They often spend time listening to others and refrain from sharing their thoughts. However, communicating well with others is a necessary life skill that both outgoing and shy children need in order to progress and achieve their goals.
Here are five different ways that parents can help their shy child build strong communication skills:
Talk About Communication
One of the simplest ways to help shy children overcome their apprehension when it comes to communication is by talking about it. We encourage parents to spend time talking with their shy child about the meaning of communication and why it’s an important skill. While talking about communication, parents can give examples of how people communicate with each other using their words, facial expressions, body language, and other cues. It’s important to explain why communication is such an important skill. Shy children may feel more encouraged to develop strong communication skills if they know how it can help them pursue and achieve their goals.
It’s also critical to discuss how communicating with others makes your child feel. Do they feel afraid? Intimidated? Embarrassed? Parents can use this conversation to delve deeper into their child’s way of thinking and feelings to gain a better understanding. When parents know why their child feels shy and avoids communicating with others, they are more likely able to help their child overcome those feelings.
Create Role-Plays
Make communication fun for a shy child! Parents can turn communicating into a game by creating role-play scenarios to help their shy child build their confidence. They can use their child’s favorite toy to create a role-play scenario and help their shy child overcome challenging social situations by acting them out with toys. The goal of role-play is to minimize the child’s fear when it comes to communicating and socializing with others. They can build confidence during role-play by thinking about what they want to say and how they want the social situation to start and end. Families can also reverse the roles during role-play so that the parents become the shy toy and the child becomes the outgoing toy. This reversal can help a shy child become less intimidated by communication. In time, role-play will likely decrease the child’s apprehension when it comes to communicating and they will be able to confidently engage with others.
Use a Mirror
Parents can help their shy child develop stronger communication skills and more confidence by using a mirror. They can ask their child to stand in front of a mirror and practice their facial expressions, body language, and conversation skills. At first, the child may feel nervous to practice in the mirror, but in time it will get easier. Parents can make practicing in the mirror fun by asking their child to make a variety of funny, silly, sad, and serious facial expressions.
Using a mirror is also a great way to help shy children practice their body language and conversation skills. Parents can ask their child to watch themselves in the mirror while they talk to them. The child can talk about anything! The important thing is that they talk while looking in the mirror. After they’re done talking, it’s helpful to ask the child to describe how they looked in the mirror. Were their hands squeezed into fists? Were they smiling? Did they speak very softly? Parents can talk about these cues with their children to help them improve their communication skills. We encourage parents to help their shy child use the mirror to practice making eye contact, to project and speak clearly, and to develop more fluid conversational skills. The mirror can help the shy child see their progress as they develop stronger communications skills!
Model Healthy Communication
In many homes, parents are the leading role models for their children. Thus, it is important that parents model healthy and effective communication skills for their children. We encourage parents to be mindful of their word choice, facial expressions, and body language when communicating with others. Children often watch their parents and notice these small nuances. Parents with a shy child can set a good example by using good eye contact and staying calm when communicating with others while with their child. Using a clear and confident voice and relaxed body language when communicating with others sets a good example and can encourage shy children to use those same tactics to improve their own communication skills.
Play Detective
Not only do children learn communication techniques from their parents, they also learn from the people around them! Parents can invite their shy child to become a detective and purposefully watch the way other people communicate. We encourage parents to guide their child while they play detective by asking questions to help broaden their perspective on communication. What do they see others doing while communicating? Are they looking at the ground or making eye contact? Smiling or frowning? Playing detective can help shy children become more aware of healthy communication techniques, which can help them improve their own communication skills!
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Compass Charter Schools (CCS) is a WASC-accredited virtual charter school that serves families throughout California. Interested in learning more about CCS’ flexible academic programs? Visit our website, or contact our enrollment team at enrollment@compasscharters.org or (877) 506-8631.